I get by with a little help from my friends.

A great friend can hear you when you're quiet.

I'm cringing as I sit down to write this.  I've started writing three other blog posts that now lay proverbially crumpled on the virtual floor.  I attempted to write about some heady, intellectual concepts like the ROI of happiness in business and in life (someday I'll finish that one), but the words just weren't flowing.

I slowly realized, that although I had some interesting, meaningful topics in mind, they just weren't important to me, personally, right now.  And that's ok.  Another time.

What is important to me right now are my friends.   

There was a time in my life when I thought I had quite a few good friends.  They were fun people!  We tried new things.  Went on great adventures.  Laughed, sang and raised glasses together.  Had compelling conversations.  So what's wrong with that?  Nothing!  But a nagging feeling was always there for me.  There was a lack of depth, an authenticity missing.  Like I wasn't quite the best version of myself.

About 2 1/2 years ago (in my early 40s), I picked up and moved from Milford, Connecticut to Denver, Colorado (much easier to type that than to do it).  My job at the time soon ended, and I was living in a new city with no built-in way of meeting people.  I put myself out there and started doing things.  Anything where people were connecting.  Neighborhood association meetings, Meetups, classes, charity events, Zumba...do all the things!  It paid off.  I met more people in organic and "old fashioned" ways than I ever had before.  

I came to realize that as I'd grown older, I'd gotten passive about making new friends.  Whoever happened to be in my social circles (work, work-related organizations and a few hobbies) that seemed cool was my "friend."  I hadn't pushed myself to truly evaluate what the various people were adding to my life.  Now, I've learned to be much more discerning and as a result have had to make some tough choices.  

I'm not just talking about ridding my life of "toxic friends" or "frenemies."  We've all heard of those, and they are often easier to identify than what I'm referring to.  I'm talking about the difference between surrounding yourself with "nice" people versus people who inspire, excite, challenge and cheer you on.  Friends who support you, in good times and bad.  Friends who will sit with you when you're an absolute mess and who will celebrate your successes with you, and know they played their own role in helping you get there.  And I would eagerly do the same for them.

These are the types of friends I have now.  And yes, there are a few from the east coast who've stood the test of time and distance. Making this important distinction about the quality and type of people I surround myself with has not been easy, but it has been completely worth it.  I'm happier than I've ever been, and looking forward to taking new and exciting risks because I know I have a whole lot of hands to help catch me if I fall and to help keep me going when it gets rough.

Think about who you surround yourself with from day to day.  What do they each bring to your life?  Thank them for it.

Coming soon...what sorts of changes I made to my own behaviors to attract these types of people into my life.

Be kind to yourself,
Aymii

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Time flies, but you're the pilot.

Tiiiiimmeee is on my side, yes it is.

I was chatting (over ice cream, with sprinkles and caramel) with a friend the other day about establishing wellness habits.  She professed that she's an "all or nothing" sort of person that has trouble taking smaller steps and wants to jump in with both feet.  I can relate.  I'm guessing few of us can.  

Personally, I blame 80s film montages that encourage us to believe if we punch a few haunches of frozen meat and run up some stairs in a sweatshirt that we'll be the next prize fighter.  It's the "heroic" thing to do.

This approach certainly has an explosive momentum to it.  Like a firework.  It's great for initially generating actionable, noticeable movement, but also an "easy out" for failing.  By taking the "go big or go home" approach, we put up significant barriers to establishing habits, so when we start to slip (which is totally normal and ok!) it's much more difficult to get back into a mindset and adjust your schedule to make the same big commitment again.  Also, it just won't seem as appealing the second time around.

This is somewhat related to my previous post, but less about defining the actual steps and more about the idea that you can set your success criteria around spending a fixed amount of time on something, but give yourself free rein to do whatever makes sense for you in that moment.

A personal example...  I've recently taken up learning to play the dobro.  I've committed to spending two hours a week on this.  I can split up those two hours however I want.  I can spend the time strumming it.  Watching dobro videos.  Listening to artists who inspire me.  Looking for dobro festivals.  Practicing scales.  Practicing tunes.  Playing around a campfire.  Whatever!  But my "success" criteria is spending the time on it.  Whatever comes out of that time will somehow contribute to my appreciation of the instrument and, most likely, keep me more engaged in the process than if I had a regimented criteria that I felt bad about failing at if I wasn't in the mood to practice a particular technique when I was "supposed to."

Is there anything in your life that you've let slip, lost passion for, or are putting off that you can commit to spending a small amount of time on on a regular basis?  The key is to just spend the time on something related to it, but try to avoid feeling "regimented" about it.  

Aymii
ensomastudios.com