ENSOMA's store is officially live!

Taking a quick break from my regular topics to announce the launch of ENSOMA's online store!

So, this is kind of a big deal...at least for me.  I've worked for small and large companies before, and even been an employee at the very beginning for some of them, but this is the first time I'm starting my own company with an idea whose seeds came from my brain.  I'm lucky to have a great business partner and supportive friends and family, so the idea has morphed quite a bit over time and is better for having been put through many perspectives.

The overall concept is to help people develop a variety of skills to create balance and resilience in their lives, but to do this through fun and entertaining experiences.  No one likes being preached or lectured at about their life choices...me included.

So, we're starting by developing a monthly subscription box service around these concepts.  Each month will have a different theme that helps you understand and try an aspect of these principles.  For example, our first month is a Scandinavian cultural concept called "hygge."  It doesn't have a direct english translation, but is somewhat close to "coziness."  These are the practices that help Scandinavians get through the long, dark winters while consistently being ranked the happiest populations in the world.  I'm half Swedish, so I drew on my cultural heritage as the inspiration for this first box.  The items in the box are meant to be used together to create a cohesive hygge experience, however, can certainly be used separately as well. 

In months to come, we'll have other cultural and topical themes to the boxes, but they will all come back to cultivating skills to live a more deeply authentic life.

So, please come check us out at ensoma.cratejoy.com and learn more about who we are, what we're doing, and why.  This is only the beginning for us...we have big ideas ahead and are excited to share them with you!

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog posts...

Be kind to yourself,
Aymii

p.s. Our box subscription makes a great holiday gift (for yourself or someone else)!  Order by December 14th for delivery in time for the holidays.

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

READER QUESTION: Am I too young for a simple life?

You're never too young to be true to who you are.

A big thanks to one of our readers for reaching out with a great question!

I'm 23 years old and I feel like a want a simple, calm and relaxed life, but for some reason this doesn't seem socially acceptable.  I feel like I should be out partying.

I have a decent job and my own place to live.  I like gardening, working on old cars and meditation, and have recently gotten interested in living a healthy lifestyle.  I just love being relaxed and at home.

Whenever my friends are over, I'm ready for them to leave after just a couple hours.  It's draining for me.  I do most of my traveling alone and enjoy it.  However, I've gotten comments lately asking if I'm depressed and telling me to stop acting like an old man.  So, now I'm wondering if my choices aren't right.

First of all, the most important thing is living a life that makes you happy.  That will be different for each of us.  You're not required to be doing anything specific at any age.  Everyone has their own interests and things they enjoy, and one person's is no more right than another's.  

There are more than two lifestyles to choose from, so don't get lulled into a false dichotomy by thinking this way.  It's easy to believe that if you're not out partying you're "missing out."  And that "everyone parties."  Some personality types and lifestyles are inherently more socially visible than others, but that doesn't mean there isn't a large, more silent, population doing exactly what you're describing.  They may just not be as easy to see on social media.  

That being said, it's important to be honest with yourself.  Are you truly happiest and most fulfilled when working on solo projects and engaging in calm activities or are you avoiding anxiety around other types of choices?  Might you benefit and grow by finding the right way to take small steps towards trying them out?  Being uncomfortable in a situation isn't necessarily a reason to avoid it.  Sometimes discomfort is a step toward identifying and working on the skills that will make you better in a wider variety of situations.  

Depression can be incredibly difficult to self-diagnose.  It doesn't necessarily mean feeling sad or tired all the time.  Humans are inherently social creatures and, generally speaking, some type of social interaction benefits us.  This interaction can take a wide variety of forms and frequency, so "going out partying" isn't mandatory, but feeling meaningful connections with others is critical to mental health.  You mentioned working on old cars - are there car shows or other related social activities around that hobby that might help create some authentic connections on your own terms?  

There's a whole world of stuff out there, so don't do things that make you unhappy, but don't give up on finding new avenues of connection and meaning in your life.  I recommend that you stop worrying about words like "weird" and "normal" and "everyone" and try to be self-aware and examine your own feelings and reactions to your choices and let that be your guide.

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

Meditation as Reverse Psychology

Actively not doing something is a great way to be productive.

I've been meditating nearly every day for about the past 31 years.  The length, method, purpose and results have varied greatly during that timespan, but one thing has remained constant, I always learn something new.

Like most people who meditate, I still get "monkey mind" from time to time.  It's a completely normal part of the experience and helps one learn to cope with all sorts of distractions in life.  However, what I've noticed the past week or so, is that when I have a task ahead of me that I'm not feeling particularly excited about (IRS paperwork - ugh!), my monkey mind goes into high gear.  

However, the more I force myself to sit still and clear my mind, the more internal energy builds around that topic.  I still do my best to respect my meditation time goal (even if it's only 5 minutes), but ultimately, I come out of the session full of determination, ready to go and with renewed focus on that task.  

It struck me as ironic that although meditation certainly has other benefits, the idea of it being reverse psychology, i.e. "All of those things you really don't want to do...well, you're not allowed to do them right now," was a new one for me.  Simply avoiding doing a task, wouldn't motivate me and it would remain undone until...well...pigs fly?  The cows come home?  But consciously focusing on the fact that I'm not going to do the thing (or anything but sit and be) right now really gets me going.  Aren't we humans funny creatures?

Think about something you've been putting off.  Now, take 5 minutes, close your eyes, be still and try to clear your mind.  Even if you can't tackle the entire task right away, did you come out of those 5 minutes with a renewed sense of purpose about it?  A shift in priorities?  Let me know!

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

Umm...hi there...it's been a while...how are you?

The greatest advice comes from the gnarliest problems.  

I've been struggling mightily to write these blog entries.  I like writing.  I write copious and well thought out emails on a regular basis (some might argue a bit too verbose).  I regularly write a journal.  So, it's not the act of putting words to paper that hinders me.  *sigh*  Time to take an honest look at my hangups and figure out what my deal is.

As is often the case, my epiphany came in the shower...I'm a problem solver.  I need problems, challenges or conflict to inspire and motivate me.  I had been attempting to write from the perspective of educator, rather than strategist (or nosy busybody?).  This just wasn't igniting a spark for me.

To test this theory, I'm planning on finding some sort of situation, concern or problem as the catalyst for my next entry and see how that "feels."   

For example, my most recent work-related issue was finding inspiration to write this blog again.  I knew the following:

• I needed to get out of my house - too many personal distractions.
• I needed a lively place with lots of humanity around me, but not too loud.
• Somewhere with wine and beer is a plus, but not totally necessary, but I'm not a "coffee shop" type of writer.
• It needed to have a fairly ergonomic setup so I can work on my laptop for an hour or two without suffering wrist torture.
• Ideally it would be in walking distance to my home or at least have ample parking.

I had no idea where to go.  So I turned to an internet community for advice.  After one smartass told me to go to Casa Bonita (which is worth checking out under other circumstances - if you like cliff divers and gorillas) someone else mentioned Union Station.  Hallelujah!  This met all my criteria, and then some!  As I sit here and write and listen to life going on around me, I have a new-found sense of purpose and inspiration. This (for today, at least) is perfect.

Challenges inspire me, and even the act of "finding a way to find a way" to tackle them is energizing for me.  

I'd love your help in my effort to write an ongoing blog with quality content.  So, my question to you is what are you currently trying to solve?  Anything is fair game, and I'd love to help you come up with next steps that you feel good about.

If you don't feel comfortable replying in the comments of this entry, feel free to contact me directly at aymii@ensomastudios.com.

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

I get by with a little help from my friends.

A great friend can hear you when you're quiet.

I'm cringing as I sit down to write this.  I've started writing three other blog posts that now lay proverbially crumpled on the virtual floor.  I attempted to write about some heady, intellectual concepts like the ROI of happiness in business and in life (someday I'll finish that one), but the words just weren't flowing.

I slowly realized, that although I had some interesting, meaningful topics in mind, they just weren't important to me, personally, right now.  And that's ok.  Another time.

What is important to me right now are my friends.   

There was a time in my life when I thought I had quite a few good friends.  They were fun people!  We tried new things.  Went on great adventures.  Laughed, sang and raised glasses together.  Had compelling conversations.  So what's wrong with that?  Nothing!  But a nagging feeling was always there for me.  There was a lack of depth, an authenticity missing.  Like I wasn't quite the best version of myself.

About 2 1/2 years ago (in my early 40s), I picked up and moved from Milford, Connecticut to Denver, Colorado (much easier to type that than to do it).  My job at the time soon ended, and I was living in a new city with no built-in way of meeting people.  I put myself out there and started doing things.  Anything where people were connecting.  Neighborhood association meetings, Meetups, classes, charity events, Zumba...do all the things!  It paid off.  I met more people in organic and "old fashioned" ways than I ever had before.  

I came to realize that as I'd grown older, I'd gotten passive about making new friends.  Whoever happened to be in my social circles (work, work-related organizations and a few hobbies) that seemed cool was my "friend."  I hadn't pushed myself to truly evaluate what the various people were adding to my life.  Now, I've learned to be much more discerning and as a result have had to make some tough choices.  

I'm not just talking about ridding my life of "toxic friends" or "frenemies."  We've all heard of those, and they are often easier to identify than what I'm referring to.  I'm talking about the difference between surrounding yourself with "nice" people versus people who inspire, excite, challenge and cheer you on.  Friends who support you, in good times and bad.  Friends who will sit with you when you're an absolute mess and who will celebrate your successes with you, and know they played their own role in helping you get there.  And I would eagerly do the same for them.

These are the types of friends I have now.  And yes, there are a few from the east coast who've stood the test of time and distance. Making this important distinction about the quality and type of people I surround myself with has not been easy, but it has been completely worth it.  I'm happier than I've ever been, and looking forward to taking new and exciting risks because I know I have a whole lot of hands to help catch me if I fall and to help keep me going when it gets rough.

Think about who you surround yourself with from day to day.  What do they each bring to your life?  Thank them for it.

Coming soon...what sorts of changes I made to my own behaviors to attract these types of people into my life.

Be kind to yourself,
Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

Time flies, but you're the pilot.

Tiiiiimmeee is on my side, yes it is.

I was chatting (over ice cream, with sprinkles and caramel) with a friend the other day about establishing wellness habits.  She professed that she's an "all or nothing" sort of person that has trouble taking smaller steps and wants to jump in with both feet.  I can relate.  I'm guessing few of us can.  

Personally, I blame 80s film montages that encourage us to believe if we punch a few haunches of frozen meat and run up some stairs in a sweatshirt that we'll be the next prize fighter.  It's the "heroic" thing to do.

This approach certainly has an explosive momentum to it.  Like a firework.  It's great for initially generating actionable, noticeable movement, but also an "easy out" for failing.  By taking the "go big or go home" approach, we put up significant barriers to establishing habits, so when we start to slip (which is totally normal and ok!) it's much more difficult to get back into a mindset and adjust your schedule to make the same big commitment again.  Also, it just won't seem as appealing the second time around.

This is somewhat related to my previous post, but less about defining the actual steps and more about the idea that you can set your success criteria around spending a fixed amount of time on something, but give yourself free rein to do whatever makes sense for you in that moment.

A personal example...  I've recently taken up learning to play the dobro.  I've committed to spending two hours a week on this.  I can split up those two hours however I want.  I can spend the time strumming it.  Watching dobro videos.  Listening to artists who inspire me.  Looking for dobro festivals.  Practicing scales.  Practicing tunes.  Playing around a campfire.  Whatever!  But my "success" criteria is spending the time on it.  Whatever comes out of that time will somehow contribute to my appreciation of the instrument and, most likely, keep me more engaged in the process than if I had a regimented criteria that I felt bad about failing at if I wasn't in the mood to practice a particular technique when I was "supposed to."

Is there anything in your life that you've let slip, lost passion for, or are putting off that you can commit to spending a small amount of time on on a regular basis?  The key is to just spend the time on something related to it, but try to avoid feeling "regimented" about it.  

Aymii
ensomastudios.com

The smallest step

Hello world.

I've done just about everything I can think of besides write this post.  Make coffee, eat candy, clean the house, get the mail, grocery shop...you get the idea, but now, here I am, face-to-face with the daunting white rectangle of the blank page...and I'm the one who's supposed to know how to "get things done."

I have committed to sitting and writing for 15 minutes and not caring too much what comes out.  There's a beauty to taking action, and even more of a feeling of strength when the intention is to head in the right direction, but starting to blog again is daunting to me, so I had to ask myself...what's the very smallest step I can take?  Can I pick a template for the blog?  Sure...I can definitely handle that!  Done!  I feel a tiny boost of energy.

Ok, now...maybe just one more thing...how about picking a font?  Boom!  Trebuchet!  Check me out, I'm on fire!  So, I can totally do one more thing.  How about writing for a bit?  Hmm...that sounds scary...  Well, what about just 15 minutes?  Ok, I can totally do that!

So, here I am, starting to tell the story of ENSOMA - who we are, what we stand for and most importantly why we are.  But only in 15 minute increments.  

ENSOMA is about helping people develop and strengthen skills that aren't taught in school.  They're skills that, the more you practice them, the more deeply they will affect the quality of your life.  I will make myself vulnerable and share my stories about the changes I've made myself and the courage and effort it has taken.

The most important part of all of this is not to lose your sense of humor, playfulness and perspective along the way.

I look forward to sharing the journey with you...in whatever form that may take.

What is the smallest step you can take on something you've been putting off?

- Aymii
ensomastudios.com