READER QUESTION: Am I too young for a simple life?

You're never too young to be true to who you are.

A big thanks to one of our readers for reaching out with a great question!

I'm 23 years old and I feel like a want a simple, calm and relaxed life, but for some reason this doesn't seem socially acceptable.  I feel like I should be out partying.

I have a decent job and my own place to live.  I like gardening, working on old cars and meditation, and have recently gotten interested in living a healthy lifestyle.  I just love being relaxed and at home.

Whenever my friends are over, I'm ready for them to leave after just a couple hours.  It's draining for me.  I do most of my traveling alone and enjoy it.  However, I've gotten comments lately asking if I'm depressed and telling me to stop acting like an old man.  So, now I'm wondering if my choices aren't right.

First of all, the most important thing is living a life that makes you happy.  That will be different for each of us.  You're not required to be doing anything specific at any age.  Everyone has their own interests and things they enjoy, and one person's is no more right than another's.  

There are more than two lifestyles to choose from, so don't get lulled into a false dichotomy by thinking this way.  It's easy to believe that if you're not out partying you're "missing out."  And that "everyone parties."  Some personality types and lifestyles are inherently more socially visible than others, but that doesn't mean there isn't a large, more silent, population doing exactly what you're describing.  They may just not be as easy to see on social media.  

That being said, it's important to be honest with yourself.  Are you truly happiest and most fulfilled when working on solo projects and engaging in calm activities or are you avoiding anxiety around other types of choices?  Might you benefit and grow by finding the right way to take small steps towards trying them out?  Being uncomfortable in a situation isn't necessarily a reason to avoid it.  Sometimes discomfort is a step toward identifying and working on the skills that will make you better in a wider variety of situations.  

Depression can be incredibly difficult to self-diagnose.  It doesn't necessarily mean feeling sad or tired all the time.  Humans are inherently social creatures and, generally speaking, some type of social interaction benefits us.  This interaction can take a wide variety of forms and frequency, so "going out partying" isn't mandatory, but feeling meaningful connections with others is critical to mental health.  You mentioned working on old cars - are there car shows or other related social activities around that hobby that might help create some authentic connections on your own terms?  

There's a whole world of stuff out there, so don't do things that make you unhappy, but don't give up on finding new avenues of connection and meaning in your life.  I recommend that you stop worrying about words like "weird" and "normal" and "everyone" and try to be self-aware and examine your own feelings and reactions to your choices and let that be your guide.

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

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Meditation as Reverse Psychology

Actively not doing something is a great way to be productive.

I've been meditating nearly every day for about the past 31 years.  The length, method, purpose and results have varied greatly during that timespan, but one thing has remained constant, I always learn something new.

Like most people who meditate, I still get "monkey mind" from time to time.  It's a completely normal part of the experience and helps one learn to cope with all sorts of distractions in life.  However, what I've noticed the past week or so, is that when I have a task ahead of me that I'm not feeling particularly excited about (IRS paperwork - ugh!), my monkey mind goes into high gear.  

However, the more I force myself to sit still and clear my mind, the more internal energy builds around that topic.  I still do my best to respect my meditation time goal (even if it's only 5 minutes), but ultimately, I come out of the session full of determination, ready to go and with renewed focus on that task.  

It struck me as ironic that although meditation certainly has other benefits, the idea of it being reverse psychology, i.e. "All of those things you really don't want to do...well, you're not allowed to do them right now," was a new one for me.  Simply avoiding doing a task, wouldn't motivate me and it would remain undone until...well...pigs fly?  The cows come home?  But consciously focusing on the fact that I'm not going to do the thing (or anything but sit and be) right now really gets me going.  Aren't we humans funny creatures?

Think about something you've been putting off.  Now, take 5 minutes, close your eyes, be still and try to clear your mind.  Even if you can't tackle the entire task right away, did you come out of those 5 minutes with a renewed sense of purpose about it?  A shift in priorities?  Let me know!

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!

Umm...hi there...it's been a while...how are you?

The greatest advice comes from the gnarliest problems.  

I've been struggling mightily to write these blog entries.  I like writing.  I write copious and well thought out emails on a regular basis (some might argue a bit too verbose).  I regularly write a journal.  So, it's not the act of putting words to paper that hinders me.  *sigh*  Time to take an honest look at my hangups and figure out what my deal is.

As is often the case, my epiphany came in the shower...I'm a problem solver.  I need problems, challenges or conflict to inspire and motivate me.  I had been attempting to write from the perspective of educator, rather than strategist (or nosy busybody?).  This just wasn't igniting a spark for me.

To test this theory, I'm planning on finding some sort of situation, concern or problem as the catalyst for my next entry and see how that "feels."   

For example, my most recent work-related issue was finding inspiration to write this blog again.  I knew the following:

• I needed to get out of my house - too many personal distractions.
• I needed a lively place with lots of humanity around me, but not too loud.
• Somewhere with wine and beer is a plus, but not totally necessary, but I'm not a "coffee shop" type of writer.
• It needed to have a fairly ergonomic setup so I can work on my laptop for an hour or two without suffering wrist torture.
• Ideally it would be in walking distance to my home or at least have ample parking.

I had no idea where to go.  So I turned to an internet community for advice.  After one smartass told me to go to Casa Bonita (which is worth checking out under other circumstances - if you like cliff divers and gorillas) someone else mentioned Union Station.  Hallelujah!  This met all my criteria, and then some!  As I sit here and write and listen to life going on around me, I have a new-found sense of purpose and inspiration. This (for today, at least) is perfect.

Challenges inspire me, and even the act of "finding a way to find a way" to tackle them is energizing for me.  

I'd love your help in my effort to write an ongoing blog with quality content.  So, my question to you is what are you currently trying to solve?  Anything is fair game, and I'd love to help you come up with next steps that you feel good about.

If you don't feel comfortable replying in the comments of this entry, feel free to contact me directly at aymii@ensomastudios.com.

Be kind to yourself,

Aymii

For more information and inspiration, join our mailing list at ensomastudios.com.  I promise...no spam!